Dear Ken, the agony uncle for chess players in need of advice.
Adrian, Milton Keynes Hello there Ken and thank you for granting me the choice to air my concerns. We have one concerning a player from another club. Thankfully it only ever happens around bonfire night but frankly -that’s more than enough. Our A,B, C & D teams are in the same division as the teams from Luton. When we go there, something keeps happening which is rather irksome to say the least. They’ve got this McCready fellow. He seems like a nice enough bloke but he’s not very good at chess tbh. Well on match night’s he likes to get up out of his seat and leave the playing hall with his bag in the middle of the match. Then about two minutes later we get all these fireworks going off behind us, especially Air bombs. What he is doing is letting fireworks off to put us off our game, and he does it all the time whilst they are on sale in the shops around bonfire night. How should we proceed here. He’s the captain of his team, so we are hampered regarding what we can achieve here.
KEN: Now this McCready fellow, let me tell you, he thinks he’s some sort of comedian but he’s not, he’s a bloody annoying little shit most of the time but he will say that’s rubbish and that he is funny and good at making people laugh. I’m afraid you’ll just have to put up with it until he stops thinking what he is doing is funny…whenever that will be. Unfortunately he does have a rather warped sense of humour, mostly from reading that Viz for years on end.
Adrian, Milton Keynes, well we could try to get him to own up I suppose?
KEN: I wouldn’t bother. He will say it isn’t him and carry on until he thinks its not funny anymore, that’s him and I should know. Or failing that when he runs out of money. He’s a lazy bastard and doesn’t work, so shouldn’t be too long. You could try telling him to grow up but it won’t work, trust me. All you can do is wait for him to wake up but I wouldn’t hold your breathe there.
McCreadyandChess 
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