Early this morning I was drifting off and suddenly had images of chess clubs deep in the Soviet Union where players sit around tables. Then in bursts a bear and mauls a 1. d4 player. It got me thinking.
In modern day Russia, there must be clubs in the countryside where players are mauled by bears more than others but which one is the worst? Is it just 1. d4 players they go for, are they more likely to maul someone playing with the black or white pieces.
Bears aside, which animal attacks chess players the most? Are any famous incidents regarding them?
My money is on dogs being the worst but they are not mentioned in the FIDE rule book, so I don’t know. Do you get extra minutes on clock if you are attacked by an animal during a competitive game…what about insects? Is there a definitive guide listing the animal or insect and the time increments granted for these unwarranted attacks.
FIDE makes chess players feel unsafe. There is no code of conduct regarding creature habits and fending them off. Something should be done about this. For example:
Wasp 25 second increment
Vulture 30 second increment
Sealion 35 second increment
Leopard 2 minute increment
Hippo 5 minute increment
Something like that to get the ball rolling, what do you think? Should I contact FIDE about this? I might not get a reply. It’s just a thought and maybe it was just a dream after all. To some this is all just fantasy, to me it’s humour. No matter what, it’s my life.
Mark. J. McCready
McCreadyandChess 
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