McCreadyandChess

Dear Ken, your on line agony uncle for troubled chess players.

John, Leighton Buzzard Dear Ken, I am the president of my club and recently members are pressuring me to ban a member. I also want to ban him but I don’t know what to say to him. He comes into the chess club walking very slowly and with a white bishop in his mouth and a big grin. He brings his dogs too and forces them to watch him play. The problem is that he isn’t very good at chess and always loses but when that happens his dogs start growling at you and on one occasion they attacked his opponent and wouldn’t let go, just before he was about to deliver checkmate also! Now I don’t know how good his dogs are but they seem to be able to follow the game because if he blunders, they bark at him and tug on his clothes! What should I say to him? You can come but don’t bring those dogs? They are big dogs as well, and this makes many in the club uneasy as they should be playing fetch the stick and not chess.

Ken: Well if his dogs can play, why not put them in the team and make up the numbers? But give them some treats and tell them to stop growling during the game, and not to bark also, that should do it.

John Leighton Buzzard: but when they get excited they start wagging their tale and running about. It puts people off, me included. They never stay at the table, and like to chew their opponent’s shoes also! What should I do?

Ken: well you could put a muzzle on them and tell them to be good boys. Put them in the team and see how they get on, probably they will play paw-to-king-four!