Archive for October, 2022

Greetings my beloved audience. Thought I’d just say a quick hello. I went online to buy a new blow up doll and a look at pharmaceuticals on the dark web, as it will be easier to give it a good rodgering on drugs than off them…well usually it is, anyway. I also needed to use google maps to locate the nearest VD clinic as I have come down with knobrot, so yes, it’s a quick hello from me. I’m in a great mood tonight. On the street I whacked myself in the head with a bottle of beer earlier (didn’t smash) because someone got in my way and made me step in some shit on the pavement and skid in some vomit as well -the bastard -so I’m kinda proud of myself for not letting him get away with it. If I get shit on my shoes, I can never get it off, so I get mad, so I gave it to myself. That aside, uneventful evening really. Anyway, bye for now.

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The curse of commonality

With a return to OTB chess imminent, I have to start liking chess players again and making an effort. But what’s up with that? Why should we make an effort with others just because they like chess too. There’s much more to a person than that. What is it with liking people who like the same things we do. They might be a degenerate fucker and best avoided. Why does having shared interests have to change things? And it must be remembered that many chess players love to shag blow up dolls in their bedroom. If a chess player is shagging blow up dolls also, it would be better not to speak to him at all and get him banned from the club. As you probably know, the most common reason for a drop in rating points is down to chess players spending hours every night shagging blow up dolls instead of studying chess. There should always be suspicion in play because you don’t know what people get up to.

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Greetings my beloved audience. I’ve just left a Q&A session with a top Grandmaster and can relay the answers to my three questions. Here they are:

Question 1 If you come down with the clap, could it affect your opening repertoire?

Question 2 If you wake up with crabs, could they affect your clock management?

Question 3 if you get herpes, could it affect your end game play?

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Given how many chess players there are on the planet, it goes without saying that reading habits vary greatly. So greatly that generalisations are best avoided. A notable factor is that we are going digital and the necessity for chess theory passed many years ago already. There’s so much content on youtube alone it’s ridiculous not to mention all the apps springing up. A pleasure of reading supersedes the direction chess theory is moving in but if you do enjoy reading, what do you read?

It’s always been the case that as a literary genre, chess is decadent for a number of reasons. This doesn’t mean there’s nothing worth reading but it does mean you need to be circumspect when buying new material. It’s always been like that and unlikely to improve much. But what do you do with the classics on your bookshelf? How often do we re-read? I can’t answer that because its down to you. How much effort you put into reading is dependant on what you get out of it, generalisations aren’t worth it.

You should return to those publications you cherish most and you shouldn’t just allow your books to gather dust. How much more than that I can say I don’t know. I just assumed it goes without saying that you should have a take on the genre as a whole before making decisions.

For me, I still love Chess for Tigers by Simon Webb and Rowson is still my favourite author. Not much more to add really.

I think we can safely say there are far better things to read than chess, so to end I suggest you read other stuff.

Lastly, I don’t think it remains an open question as to why most chess literature is centred around improvement and not contentment. If you haven’t worked out the sales pitch by now, you’ve got some catching up to do…no time like the present.

Mark, 0859, October 30th

A lit room where I belong most. Laksi, Bangkok

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A film in the making

As you know, I am one of the most famous bloggers in the world and also one of the most handsome. I’ve been approached by a top film company to write the script for a chess film, which they produce with some of the leading actors across the globe. They said, ‘take inspiration from a flick from the past but make it chess related. There’s a few bob in it for you’

This is what I’ve come up with so far:

Chainsaw massacre at Bedford Chess Club

In this film, someone playing for Bedford is in a match against Luton. He has a winning position but makes mistakes and only draws. He goes bezerk, storms out only to come back ten minutes later and massacres everyone in sight with a chainsaw.

Driller Killer at Milton Keynes Chess Club

In this film, someone playing blitz in Milton Keynes forgets to press his clock and goes bezerk. He runs to his car and returns with a drill which goes through the head of his opponent straight away. Then he unleashes on others playing.

Leighton Buzzard Chess club members sink on the titanic

In this film, Leighton Buzzard chess club organize a ten round tournament whilst cruising on the titanic. But it sinks and none of them make it to a lifeboat.

Northampton Chess club match stopped by possessed girl

In this film, a match at Northampton chess club is stopped by a possessed girl who sprays vomit everywhere and is abused by the devil whilst a priest performs an exocism.

Luton Chess Club shaken by godzilla

In this film, an evening at Luton Chess Club was jeapodized by godzilla who happened to pass by.

Cranfield Chess club taken over by Freddy Kruger from a Nightmare on Elm Street.

In this film, Freddy Kruger becomes the club president at Cranfield and scares off teams from visiting clubs.

Slasher from Halloween stalks Dunstable Chess Club members

Dunstable chess club members are followed home and then get broken into and slashed in their sleep.

County match delayed by Dracula

In this film a match between Bedfordshire and Norfolk is delayed due to dracula drinking someone’s blood whilst he was waiting for his opponent.

Local tournament interrupted by Frankenstein

In this film a tournament organizer demands all the clocks are stopped when Frankenstein appears and starts staring at him.

That’s the best I can come up with. I tried to make them as true to life as possible, and nearly all of them are based on events from the past.

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A new readership?

Earlier this evening, whilst I was downtown looking for a friend, a man approached me in the street and said ‘hey, your the guy who writes that mccreadyandchess website aren’t you?’ Naturally I told him I was. He then asked for an autograph and paid me a large sum of money to not write about chess anymore but something else instead. I deposited the money on my way home. But then when I arrived, I accidentally put the piece of paper which he wrote what I should write about on the table. Minutes later the dog ate it. So I went back to find him and as soon as I saw him on the street a taxi came to a screeching halt, then two men got out and shot him. Now he’s dead and I can’t remember what it was he asked me to write about. I reported it to the police and they told me if I post anything about this on my site, they will come round and blow up my apartment whilst I am asleep, so I’d better stop.

Chess: yes. Erm, try to avoid playing online too much, it causes bad habits to develop.

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The persistence of time

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When I look back on how I played chess in my youth, there is nothing that impresses me about it -nothing at all. Apart from everything else, I just didn’t take it seriously enough. With regards to my opening repertoire, around 1991/1992 I found the Sicilian defence to be a source of much frustration and didn’t quite know what to do against it. And so in 1992 I made the leap from 1. e4 to 1. f4, which I became noted for. Looking back there was a lot wrong with that decision. 1. f4 is a poor opening move and is at best drawish. It never really occurred to me to think about the consequences of consciously choosing something drawish. But more importantly, it lead to great inflexibility in my chess because white invariably goes for a similar set up every time with the intent of keeping the centre closed for attacks on the kingside. It also didn’t occur to me to think about the consequences of playing the same way all the time and the impact that would have on my game overall. Nor did it enter my head to stop and evaluate the type of position I often ended up with (usually closed). And it was only 2 or 3 years later that I started experimenting with move order and changing things up that I got any kind of handle on it. The problem is here that in every game the position changes and flexibility is the key. Trying to force a certain type of win is never a good way to play but that’s the way it went. My decision making process exuded amateurism and I certainly am not the only one to evade opening theory with opening moves lacking in credibility. But the bottom line is that a change from 1. e4 to 1. f4 really is bad and it’s far better to just stick it out and delve further into opening theory. That I never did, I was kinda afraid of it. Silly me.

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Her beauty is beguiling

Social media means so much to some yet so little to others: often dependant on age as well as various other factors. But no matter what you make of it, or don’t make of it, as viewers we are spoilt for choice on what to watch. Ever since The Queen’s Gambit became the number one show on Netflix, we have seen an upsurge of young girls posting social media of them playing chess. Youtube, Instagram, Twitch, and Twitter have all become home to some very pretty females strutting their stuff. And so enter akanemsko on youtube. She’s got her own channel and its quite something. Incredibly pretty, eloquent, well-mannered, very sexy indeed, and good at chess -what more could you ask for in a woman?

Here she is playing the famous ‘Russian Paul’ of NYC and beating him.

The big question is, of course, if you were coupled up with this babe, would you ever make it out of bed?

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Two heads clubs are better than one or are they? Might they not lead to a better night out? If it were the case that you could locate a chess club in a premises but there had to be another club in it, what would you choose? Comedy club? War Gaming club? Snooker club? Strip club?

The song goes ‘two heads are better than one, it’s double the pleasure and triple the fun!’

MJM

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