Archive for October 18th, 2022

Dear Ken 16

Dear Ken -your online agony uncle for troubled chess players.

Kevin, Leighton Buzzard: Dear Ken, help us out here please. When our team goes to Luton for league matches we run into so much trouble with it. As soon as we arrive and get out of the car, one of their players throws bricks at us. Then during the match, he walks into the centre of the room and pisses over the floor, just to annoy us. He burps loudly a lot and whistles too. The last time we went, he followed us out into the car park after the match but one of our players headbutted him, knocking him to the floor, then all us kicked him in the head and face as much as we could. He just lay there and couldn’t move, so we went home. But now he comes to the club with a pitbull terrier and struts his stuff with a cricket bat, looking menacing all the time. What should we do?

Ken: well firstly it’s important that you kill that dog in front of him. Do it during when it’s his turn to move. Then bottle him when he’s not looking, kick him in the bollocks, then stomp on his head when he’s on the floor. Make the bastard bleed lots.

Kevin, Leighton Buzzard: Isn’t there a more gentlemanly way to resolve the issue -all we want to do is play chess.

Ken: How the fuck do I know you black bastard, well assuming you are black, you certainly sound like it. I want all this filmed and sent on -alright! Hospitalize the bastard and kill that dog. Film it and send it on yeah?

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It helps if I listen to music when I write. My mood should be altered also, that makes an even bigger difference. The humour I make attempts at seems to come by itself as the post progresses. They don’t take very long at all. When I start laughing at what I’ve wrote, I know I am doing well, that’s when I go into overdrive. I think some of the stuff I right is absolutely hilarious but I understand not everyone will. No matter what anyone thinks, I enjoy doing it greatly.

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