McCreadyandChess

If it were the case that at your club you have FIDE rated tournaments how up to date with FIDE’s latest updates on their set of laws are they, and is this significant?

Here at Bangkok chess club, we don’t adhere to the latest rules & laws. Technically this invalidated the tournament and results but no one blinks an eye, and the organizer prefers the old rules, as they are ‘less annoying’as he put it. How untypical this is I cannot be sure, nor do I know whether anyone really pays attention or is that bothered. Bangkok chess club is by its very nature a friendly club, no one really takes their chess seriously.

Perhaps at clubs habited by professional players it has greater significance, although most likely the consensus amongst amateurs is that the latest rules are rather complicated. Some of the changes are significant, the most obvious being that you can now make two illegal moves instead of one. Why they implemented that change I do not know but it does require greater assistance from arbiters, and is less workable than it may appear.

Why do I draw attention to such matters? Well if the organizer at your club is going to bend the rules or disregard those most recent, you do need to know. It’s a critical error to assume that the laws of FIDE are applied by everyone, and its also a critical error to assume everyone is up to date.

I am but then I have to be. I am often described as the most handsome chess player in town and tend to receive more attention than most. I need to look good and so keeping up to date helps. There isn’t a chess player in my home town more handsome than me, and my county too. And as we all know, some of the greatest chat up lines are based of FIDE laws? I mean what could better than ‘Hey, what’s article 4.3 in FIDE’s handbook? when you are trying to woo the latest female at the club.

They work outside the chess club too! The next time you see a lady you like, casually walk up to her, say hi and ask something like ‘You don’t happen to know what article 7.2 in FIDE’s latest handbook is do you by chance?’ You’ll be dating in no time! Given how handsome I am, I don’t usually need to make the effort, whenever there’s a new woman, tranny, or gay bloke at the club, they usually come to me.

Well anyway it’s not so bad being a handsome chess player just makes you a bit lazy. For those less handsome, the need to impress isn’t so great, so if you aren’t up to date, it’s quite unlikely that anyone will care, and in case you’ve forgotten FIDE is far from the professional organization it presents itself as, and understanding the changes they make can be challenging.

One last thing, I may be wrong regarding chat up lines about FIDE laws working outside the chess club but they are damn site better than what they replaced which was usually cantered around whether the lady I was wooing had headlice, with requests for proof that she definitely doesn’t have them. For some reason, whenever I pulled out a piece of paper and a comb, it always sank like a lead balloon!

I’d best go, I must return to the bathroom as always want to be trim and lean, that’s all for now… .

Mark. J. McCready, 11.25pm Thursday 4th of May

A place where I lie wounded, Bangkok