Archive for the ‘My own warped humour’ Category

How do we live out our day-to-day lives without incident? How do we keep ourselves clean and free from distraction or disaster? It takes some practice doesn’t it? And a constant need to rework things I would say. Minor slip ups in life are difficult to dodge, we all fall foul to them from time to time even though we tend to keep an eye out -this is life. Have you ever stepped in something you shouldn’t have? Most probably we all have at one time or another in our lives.

For further food for thought, take a look below at the picture of my good old self. What am I doing in this picture? It could be that I am bending over and having a good hard shit or I could just be happy to be home? A train platform is especially good for accidental backside droppings because many people use them and they are often in a hurry, which means they could skid in your shit. Now wouldn’t that be a delight to watch? Regarding the picture I have attached, I don’t think I was having a shit but I wouldn’t rule it out as I can’t remember everything I’ve done and it is true that I love for put down deliveries for unsuspecting others. What I would like you to do is look at this picture, decide what you think is going on and use that to improve your chess in some way. Above all else think: street, think: step, think: shit, think: chess.

What am I up to here?

Read Full Post »

After the popularity of the last post, which had a cracking title and a definite contender for winner of the 2022 award for most hair-raising title for a chess post. Many have written in asking me to add more posts where titled chess players accidentally step in someone’s shit. In an ideal world we would just love to watch someone step in our own accidental shit releases everyday and capture it on video for family viewing on special occasions like Easter and Christmas. Not all of us have had the luxury of watching such videos as we grow up, and so to offset that I shall listen to the requests and rustle up another post. I may even interview some titled players and ask them if they ever trod in shit whilst playing chess and how it affected their game, sitting at the table and playing on with shit all over their shoes. I will report back any findings. And may I tell you from personal experience, if you get the chance to watch someone step in your shit, it’s much better if a woman does that believe me -they go all mad!

Read Full Post »

The Q

Question for the day: ‘If you zoom around in fast cars across the city, could this help improve your rating?’

Read Full Post »

Er, chess, er yes. So I have an announcement: I’ve given up playing the Vienna game/gambit. Now after 1. e4 I play 2. Nf3 (its better).

Read Full Post »

At times, my mind is so active I can’t switch the thing off.

So get this: it’s not going to happen but the thought I find amusing.

Posting a suicide note on this blog.

It makes sense on a lot of levels but it just isn’t going to happen.

Now can I go back to thinking more normal things please.

Read Full Post »

Should I continue on with this blog, I will introduce mental challenges with prizes to be won for the lucky person. The top prize is going to be a car and most likely that will be a tough challenge like solve mate in 1 but a real tough mate in one. The sort where someone with a FIDE rating of 1200 needs half a minute on the clock to find it and someone with a FIDE rating of 2200 needs an hour easily. I will have other prizes, like packets of crisps, pen sets, cheese grater, ironing board, ant killer, and even a chocolate fireguard. I should add that if your rating is over 2800, you can’t play.

More details to follow

Mark, you could be onto a nice little earner here. Just charge people one pound to enter and pocket the profit

Take their money and destroy your website in the process. Never look back.

Read Full Post »

There will almost certainly be a delay to today’s play at the Olympiad. There’s been an incident involving the Chief Arbiter in the playing hall lavatory. He mistakenly used Walmart toilet cleaning wipes instead of loo paper and has burnt his bum, he’s gone off to hospital to have it inspected.

They are not sure how long it’s going to take but it is not expected for him to return to his duties for today’s play. A deputy is being sought.


Read Full Post »

Today’s play is facing a delay. In the city of Chennai, an escaped giant tortoise has been seen entering the playing hall. Big operation there. Once they’ve caught up with it, however long that takes, how are they gonna lift it out of there? Could be a tough one this.

They once had an escaped parrot in the Soviet Championships but I’m guessing the olympiad guys would opt for a giant tortoise over a parrot if it were put to the vote, so maybe the arbiters will just leave it be, unworried about concentration levels being disturbed by squawking, and blunders being made because of it. If we did have an escaped parrot this time, or any other noisy bird disturbing games and making players lose what we most likely will get is, if they couldn’t catch it, Grand masters going on the rampage and trying to burn the place down to get rid of it. And we don’t want a scenario where Grand masters are colluding and committing arson, aided and abetted by IM’s and FM’s in the middle of an event -that’s just unacceptable, so since tortoises are quiet and move slowly, they are easily managed and the arbiters will probably just leave it be, well that’s my take on it.

Read Full Post »

I must admit, I am quite good at entertaining myself and would like to add a video on bird wrestling (where two birds wrestle with each other) because I think I am onto something here. If you asked most people what extra things should a chess site include, most would opt for Bird Wrestling for entertainment, and I’ve got a great video where one bird gets stomped on and get’s a claw in the head! It’s a beaut and only one minute long. I could start advertising it and monetise my site. Maybe set up a donations channel where I hunt down similar videos with different types of birds wrestling each other. I could be onto a winner here and may rename my website McCreadyandchessandbirdwrestling

With top notch videos loaded in, there’s big money to be made here I think. The whole thing is just waiting to take off with investment. I could have 5 million in the bank within 3 months…maybe 10 million, who knows?

Serious action here.

Read Full Post »

You are on an old bus lost somehow somewhere in the countryside. You are not thinking about your destination, more so what you see passing by in the windows. The sky is grey, you feel a little sleepy. Suddenly the bus swerves then brakes hard. You turn around to see what’s happened and catch a glimpse of a shrine that passes by. Your head begins filling with chess moves and chess games from yesteryear. Moves from games gone by repeat over and over. The bus stops to allow a beautiful girl to get on. Religious enlightenment doesn’t occur, just more moves repeat themselves. Do you stay on the bus or jump off it, risking certain death?

You stay on the bus and nothing else happens. The girl got off, you arrived at your destination and your head is no longer full of moves and games from yesteryear. But your trousers have got a hole in them? How did it happen on a bus? They are torn, the sky is still grey.

What happens of that day is not worth writing about. You passed a shrine and nothing much really happened. Alone, you walk on home. No one will talk to me because no one is there. Alone I got ready for bed. Then I sat wondering if I would spend my entire life feeling alone. And then went to bed.

Well done for not doing anything. That means nothing but nothing is good. Nothing got smashed up. Nothing.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »